What a fucking night. I had hoped for a better outcome, but I can’t say I’m shocked. It’s that kind of year.
I made it to 11 pm watching the MSNBC feed and social media. But then I went to bed. Didn’t sleep. Just tossed and turned and checked Twitter whenever someone updated. Finally dropped off sometime after 2 am knowing pretty much how it was going to turn out. Slept in fits and starts and had dreams that, well, by virtue of being dreams were slightly less depressing than reality.
But before I dropped off, I made a decision. I’m going to continue to hope and fight for a better world. It’s going to be a long, ugly, rough road to get there, but goddamnit, I’m not giving up. Tears will be shed, there will be much, much rage. But I am going to do my damnedest to fight for a better world where hate and fear do not rule the land. It’s not going to be easy, especially with what I am sure are some dark days to come.
Talking to my mom, sort of helped put it into perspective. She said, I felt a lot like this after Nixon won. I’m going to take comfort in that. It’s a different world, and there are many tools today that didn’t exist for Nixon.
I felt a lot like this when 9/11 happened. Knowing there were dark days ahead with people being stupid and stupider than normal. But I don’t think I fully appreciated it. I understood what was happening, but having not experienced such a world altering tragedy on a national scale, I couldn’t fully appreciate what it meant. But I’m older and wiser and and have seen quite a lot happen stemming from that. This time, I fully appreciate the gravity of the situation.
I don’t want to seek comfort in platitudes. I want to seek comfort in my actions as I do what I can to fight hate and fear. But I’d be lying if I wasn’t falling back a bit on the story of Pandora and her box. There was all this bad shit in there, but there was also hope. I have to have hope. It’s dim and rather weak at the moment, but I will nurture it through my actions. I will be the change I want. I will fight like hell for this dark, hate and fear-filled reality to be fleeting.
And in the interim, I will be consuming much coffee and chocolate and snuggling with my cat and holding my loved ones close and taking joy in the good I come across, no matter how small.